Tuesday, February 10

Today is tuesday. I just came back from a two-day sojourn to the netherworld. I got sick after soaking in the rain at the cemetery where my father-in-law lies. It's funny that when you're in a place like that, it's inevitable to think about your own mortality. What would happen if I die today, or tomorrow, or the day after tomorrow? Really, no one can predict his end, can he? I'd like to think that I'm not afraid of death, it being just a trangression to another life form, maybe a flower, an animal, an insect. I remember reading once that death is just a beginning of an immortal life...so it should not be something humans should cower from...But when I think about Gabby, how my eventual death would change his whole being, his whole future, it makes me want to seek solace from Someone to let me know I won't be taken over until my little son is ready to be on his own, or that someone with best intentions like his mother would be able to look after him when I'm gone. It's so tragic that mother left us at a time when we most needed her. But would she have had a choice? A gnawing truth like cancer is something somebody can't elude, especially if Death is knocking on her doorstep. It should not be such a unusual experience, everyone we know from time past has died....but sadly their departure shapes the way we think, we feel, we regard each other who are left behind in this mortal world. And it seems the sadness never really dissipates. Until we ourselves, die and join our great Creator.

I don't know if I'm still really sick, or is it the first day back to the office that's doing the works.
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